Why “Chasing Happiness” Doesn’t Work: A Different Approach to Well-Being

What if trying to be happier was actually getting in the way of your well-being?

It sounds counterintuitive. But there’s a growing body of research suggesting that the more intensely we focus on “feeling happy,” the less happy we may actually feel.

When we constantly check in with ourselves and ask, Am I happy? Am I feeling “good enough”? we can end up evaluating our lives instead of simply living them.

This came up in a conversation I had with some friends over dinner the other day. One of my friends had listened to a podcast with a happiness researcher, and we ended up talking about something I find particularly interesting about positive psychology: 

You can’t always directly control how you feel, but you can intentionally invest in the things that support your well-being.

The elements of well-being is something I appreciate so much about positive psychology. It takes something that can feel vague, like well-being, and makes it much more approachable.

Instead of asking, How can I be happier? it asks questions like:

- How are my relationships? 

- Am I making time for things that feel meaningful?

- When was the last time I was fully engaged in something?

In other words, it shifts the focus from chasing a feeling to investing in the things that actually support our overall well-being.

I remember first learning this back in college. It felt empowering as it made me feel more in control of my mental health.

Because while I can’t necessarily just decide, “I’m going to feel super happy today,” I can decide to FaceTime a friend, go for a walk along the river, or stretch my body for 10 minutes.

I can focus on the parts of my well-being that are within my control. That doesn’t mean these things will automatically make me feel better. But they are small, intentional choices I can make that support my well-being. 

Lately, I’ve actually needed this reminder myself.

I’ve spent a lot of time at home while on maternity leave. And I’ve realized that one thing that supports my well-being is getting out of the house every day. Ideally talking to another adult. Ideally about something other than babies. 😄

Not because it guarantees I’ll feel happier that day. But because I know it’s one of the things that supports my well-being.

So here’s a little reflection for you:

Instead of asking yourself, “How can I feel happy today?”, consider what is one small, intentional thing you could do today that supports your well-being?

Maybe it’s reaching out to a friend or a family member. Going for an evening walk. Or making time for something that genuinely lights you up.

What do you think? I’d love to hear what you discover! My email inbox and Instagram DMs are open, as always.

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